Back in the 60’s and 70’s when I was growing up, I would hear of many young people leaving home, sometimes leaving college, friends, family, a steady job or a family business and sometimes even a marriage to go “find themselves”. This was a new phenomenon back then so it made the local gossip chains…and sometimes even the news. Actually I really don’t think it was a NEW phenomenon. Before that decade it was just looked upon as a bad thing – an irresponsible thing; you had certain responsibilities to your family, marriage partner, church, community and to prepare for your future that superseded your present bliss. In the hippie era however, the era of “new” freedoms, “finding yourself” was suddenly viewed as the top priority. You needed to “be true to yourself” first…above all. This meant if anything – family, friends, college, marriage – got in your way of present happiness then push them aside and go out and find that happiness.
Funny thing….most people think that “finding themselves” means going somewhere else…like maybe their real self is hiding elsewhere. Some travel the country or even the world searching for meaning. Others make drastic career changes. Some leave spouses and search for that ever elusive “soul mate”. Some go back to college and try to find ultimate meaning in education. While there is nothing intrinsically wrong with traveling, more education, changing careers…these can be great tools to a fulfilling life….there is a major flaw in thinking that you will “find yourself” at the end of any of these roads. It is also a mistake to think that the ultimate measure of your life is something as fleeting as happiness.
Now I know what I just said is counter-culture. Today’s mantra: Graduate from high school, go to college, travel the world or at least the country a little, get a great paying job, date lots of people so you can be sure you choose the right one (don’t worry about all the breakups and heartache…that’s just part of it, honey!) Then marry right before you turn 30 and have 2 kids. Oh…and be sure to start back going to church after the kids are born…you know…so you can give them some good morals and be a good parent. Don’t have too many kids because you need to give each child their own rooms and trips to Disney World and give them a car when they are 16 and have enough money to send them to college…otherwise you are a bad parent. Because the Bible says so…well, I’m pretty sure it says so somewhere…I mean…cause if you stray from this recipe all the Christians will let you know that it is not wise….because wisdom comes from keeping your children happy then sending them to a government-run high school followed by a government-run university and securing an education there. OR even better: Wisdom comes from getting a great education in a Christian college even if you have to run up educational loans of $40,000 or more. Oh don’t worry about being in bondage, because we know everyone that does that goes out and gets a high paying job in their field and pays that debt off quickly…right? And that's the most important thing to find happiness...get a top education to get a high-paying job!And I haven’t found that Bible verse about not having too many children yet but I’m sure it’s got to be in there…I mean…all those Christians just can’t be wrong! I’m sure that Bible verse about “Blessed is the man with his quiver full” was written only for those times when the farmers needed lots of child labor in his fields. And having the perfect career with the highest pay possible…no matter what…well…I’m sure that is a Godly ambition. Didn’t Paul say something about that? No? Well, somebody did. And for goodness sake – if you have a brain DON’T just choose to do manual labor…that’s for those who aren’t smart enough to go to college. You will never find yourself…or happiness for that matter in working with *gasp* your hands! Let the uneducated masses handle that. And I know that preacher said that little “till death do you part” thing…but really…he didn’t know how unhappy you would be in this marriage. He’s emotionally abusing you! You were too young and you really didn’t know what you were doing. You can’t be held accountable for the mistake of not marrying your soul mate. You’ll just correct that mistake and go find happiness. You deserve better, Honey!
Hmmmmm….the only thing wrong about the above “Christian American” mantra is that there is nothing “Christian” about it. AND some of the unhappiest people I know have followed the above “recipe for success”. When did we start thinking that Godliness was American success? When did we start equating worldly things…. like running up educational loans, government-run (not Bible-based) schools and colleges, having dozens of girlfriends/boyfriends before marriage, greatly limiting how many children we have then giving them everything they want, and leaving an unhappy marriage to find a “soul mate” … with wisdom? And when did we start thinking that God just wants to make us and our children happy? That WE are the center of His Universe?
The above Christian American recipe leaves out something very important…finding God’s individual will for your life. Some things are spelled out in the Bible…such as marriage for life (except for cases of abandonment and adultery) but many things are NOT spelled out in the Bible, I believe, on purpose. God DID say “Children are a blessing of God; Blessed is the man with his quiver full.” He didn’t say: “Everyone have 20 children”, but He definitely didn’t say: “Limited thou thy children so that thou may give them better gifts!” God gave us each a different temperment and various gifts. Paul was a tent maker for goodness sake…not a college professor with a PhD! Peter was an uneducated, hotheaded fisherman. But Luke WAS a doctor. These people’s happiness didn’t come from their careers…their happiness came from God being able to use them either through their careers and paths or sometimes in spite of them! They knew that Jesus didn’t come to secure their happiness anyway. They knew that following Jesus would lead them to some very unhappy situations, in fact, ultimately, to a horrific martyr’s death. But they DID find themselves! They found themselves when they gave themselves over to Christ. Total abandonment to Christ, turning over everything you are, is the only way to find yourself. That is true for the preacher, worship leader, a cake decorator, or a fry cook. If, when you turn yourself over to Christ, you feel Him calling you to a certain service…then you need to do everything you can to serve Him well….including education in the finest universities or travel over the world. God may send you as a missionary to Africa! God's will for your life may mean getting a law degree and becoming an ambassador for Christ in the halls of the US Senate! But don’t think He calls everyone to do that! God may help you “find yourself” while staying in your fry cook position while you minister to those around you in a way no one else could have. God may WANT you to stay in a small rural town while you lead many little ones to Christ in Vacation Bible School each year…little ones who grow up and become missionaries all over the world. God may call you to stay at home and have 10 children and lovingly and patiently raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord…children who will boldly make Godly decisions in the scary, increasingly Godless society around us. Finding yourself may mean learning to be “happy” in your present situation while looking around and noticing the ministry God has already placed around you! Paul said “I have learned in whatever situation I am in to be content”. Not just happiness, but true joy, true fulfillment and satisfaction, comes from total abandonment to God’s will in your life, when you find those places where God truly can use your particular personality, talents or gifts. God’s not looking for someone who is exceptional; He is just looking for someone who is willing to be used by Him….HE will use you in an exceptional way! Don’t be a snob and think God can only use “certain” people with a “certain” educational level and “certain” business-like attire and appearances. God delights in choosing those who you never expected and channeling HIS power through them…then HE gets the glory. And when you let Him work through your life like that, no matter where you've been or "who" you are, you find more than just fleeting happiness…you find yourself.
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